Friday, September 14, 2007
The stuggles of faith
I don't believe that I've been as candid or as transparent on past posts , but truth be told it's been a real struggle for me not only with my art but with my Christian faith. With my many struggles that came during college and depression, I drifted further away from Christ. I've continued fighting with many issues I've had for a long time. Yesterday I finally fasted and went on a prayer walk in San Francisco after an apointment to see my director Sherrie Sinclair at the Academy. She looked at my portfolio and determined it was average and still needed much work before I could send it out to companies. I agreed with her and tried to keep my spirit up but, I could help but feel bad. Other students I knew had jobs and worked well in school. After seeing the shape of my work I felt convicted and shame of my past performance at the academy. I felt while I learned some great life changing points in college, my witness to my teachers and fellow students was shameful. I struggled as I drove to figure out how I could overcome my past mistakes, failures, and sins. So I headed to the park sat on a bench cliff side at the end of Anza street and prayed while over looking ocean beach. The horizon was bright with the rays of the sun and became a glimpse of the never failing love of Christ . I never felt so much better after that time but, as you know how it works the Devil (Accuser) attacks with doubts, fears, condemnation, and discouragement about my future. I'm reminded of scripture to " have faith in God, for it may seem impossible with men but all things are possible with God" ," His mercy is renewed everyday", " He casts our sins in the sea of forgetfulness". It reminded me of this screen shot from the Anime "Trigun", Wolfwood dies in a church leaning on his cross gun. The image of the strong willed but fragile man leaning on his stable cross that stood even to his dead weight inspired me. It reminds me again that no matter what feel or face my circumstances the Cross of Christ will always stand. Please don't be offended by my words but, my faith even though shaken , is what I go back to on good and bad days. This may seem a bit "EMO" but I felt I had to be real. I hope this inspires someone to keep going when your at the end of you..